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I Am ScanTron, Your Embroideredoid.
Posted on 2009.01.04 at 21:06
I've got to say, I'm dreading my doctor's appointment on Tuesday. I've gained about 25 pounds so far, which is about ten pounds more than Conscientious Reputable Websites like the Mayo Clinic and Pregnancy.org say I should have gained, (and is the lower bound for the total weight gain that they all quote.) I feel like I'm being sent to the principal's office to explain where the candy went.
I don't actually give a shit that I gained the weight. If I weren't being weighed in, I wouldn't be weighing myself except out of idle curiousity. I just like to please authority figures on some childish level. Coach is gonna make me run laps!
I don't feel like asking not to be weighed in, because you're weighed in by some innocent tech who'll get all flustered and have to check with authority figures and it'll end up being a bigger fuss than if I just nod and go along.
So far my best idea is that if the doctor begins to lecture me again on my weight gain, I'll say, "I really gorged myself over the holidays and got up even ten pounds higher! But then I went on a crash diet this last two weeks because I knew I had this appointment coming up. So that you wouldn't worry that I was being unhealthy."
I'll say it in a really eager-to-please voice, too. Maybe I could tell him I used the Master Cleanse and have been on paprika and lemon juice for the past ten days. For the baby.
The attics have secrets.
This next bit is the best thing I've ever seen. I think I'll put it under a jump just so that you all have to actively appreciate how great it is. Background: Jammies took a home ec class in 7th grade and learned embroidery.
It's a Commodore 64 and all the fun a kid can have on it!
Look how great! Space Invaders meets generally pixellated android, and notice you've got 10,000 points and one life left. Also notice the cord, because computers need to be plugged in. (We will not point out that the computer is apparently both on and unplugged in its current state. Willing suspension of disbelief.) Also I love the chocolate bar keyboard.
I would like to hang this on the wall, and get an empty frame to hang around it, so that its glory is fully displayed. To think that this has been sitting in attics for almost thirty years.
I don't actually give a shit that I gained the weight. If I weren't being weighed in, I wouldn't be weighing myself except out of idle curiousity. I just like to please authority figures on some childish level. Coach is gonna make me run laps!
I don't feel like asking not to be weighed in, because you're weighed in by some innocent tech who'll get all flustered and have to check with authority figures and it'll end up being a bigger fuss than if I just nod and go along.
So far my best idea is that if the doctor begins to lecture me again on my weight gain, I'll say, "I really gorged myself over the holidays and got up even ten pounds higher! But then I went on a crash diet this last two weeks because I knew I had this appointment coming up. So that you wouldn't worry that I was being unhealthy."
I'll say it in a really eager-to-please voice, too. Maybe I could tell him I used the Master Cleanse and have been on paprika and lemon juice for the past ten days. For the baby.
The attics have secrets.
This next bit is the best thing I've ever seen. I think I'll put it under a jump just so that you all have to actively appreciate how great it is. Background: Jammies took a home ec class in 7th grade and learned embroidery.
It's a Commodore 64 and all the fun a kid can have on it!
Look how great! Space Invaders meets generally pixellated android, and notice you've got 10,000 points and one life left. Also notice the cord, because computers need to be plugged in. (We will not point out that the computer is apparently both on and unplugged in its current state. Willing suspension of disbelief.) Also I love the chocolate bar keyboard.
I would like to hang this on the wall, and get an empty frame to hang around it, so that its glory is fully displayed. To think that this has been sitting in attics for almost thirty years.