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3 kittens

Twin buckets of overcompensation

Posted on 2014.03.08 at 08:37
In a few years I'll have a mastectomy. (My second cousin called me a few weeks ago, and asked me about BRCA stuff. I last spoke to her in 1994, but it was oddly easy to chat about sex without breasts and our bodies and vaginal dryness, and how old we might be and still have babies. That's because I see on Facebook that she is a fullfledged commune-living soul with cuddling and purple linen clothes and Rainbow Gatherings, and it is very easy for me to relax around fullblown hippies. We also discussed holistic therapies, but I was an unforthcoming establishmentarian dud on that tip.)

My residual concern has been thus: would Jammies miss my breasts in bed, to an extent that I should get implants instead of going flat?

I am pretty sure that five years after surgery, I will be so used to whatever I look like that I will never think about it. Which would imply that I should just get implants, for his pleasure. But in the short term, I just don't want to get them. Jammies said "I would not want to get them, either. I'll miss them a little, they're nice, but there is no way in hell that that's a reason to get implants." He also pointed out that I'm not someone who uses them much in the bedroom. That he would miss them more if they'd played a bigger role in giving me pleasure. This was the first reassuring thing.

THEN I remembered this: conventional wisdom holds that men with small penises are great in bed, because they are extra-focused on compensating and making sure their partner has a great time, right? Maybe a touch of insecurity will make me a doubly-attentive, enthusiastic bucket of fun. And an enthusiastic bundle of overcompensation is probably a good time, even better than sullen, uncooperative breasts.

So the original plan - which at this point is a decade old - is still the plan. To have my mom draw a zoetrope of kittens and get them tattoo'd on my torso. Go on, google zoetrope. I'll wait.

On my drive yesterday, I had the following mindless thought scenario:
Hypothetical Surgeon: when we do mastectomies, it is absolutely the standard to also do some liposuction.
Me: What! I am not the type of person who would ever get liposuction.
Hyp. Surgeon: It is the standard. It is just what we do.
Me: Well, if it's the standard, and you promise I have no volition and free will, then that sounds awesome.

It was one of those ill-formed, nebulous scenarios where only afterwards do you realize what a massive dose of wish-fulfillment you just indulged. Oh, I could rid myself of back fat and stay true to my feminist ideals? Twist my arm.

On Tuesday I will fly to Los Angeles. There I will don my brown floral caftan and yellow heels and shmooze with La Kristen Bell and Enrico Colantoni and Lurker Airedale.

On Saturday, we will buckle the kids in the minivan and drive to Florida for Spring Break like responsible frugal parents. Sounds awful! Stay tuned.

Comments:


Sara
panisdead at 2014-03-08 15:19 (UTC) (Link)
Hmm, we totally decided against driving to Florida for spring break because it sounded so awful, so it would help assuage my residual guilt if you posted a bunch of updates about how awful it was? But I hope for your sake it's not.
heebie-geebie
heebie_geebie at 2014-03-09 19:37 (UTC) (Link)
You guys have done the drive with Hoss, yes? And thus are making an even more informed decision than we are...ugh.
The Last  Rambler
robertainnc at 2014-03-10 14:28 (UTC) (Link)
I met Deena Metzger many years ago and have this picture still in a frame:

http://www.fightingirishkel.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/DeenaMetzger.jpg

Edited at 2014-03-10 02:29 pm (UTC)
heebie-geebie
heebie_geebie at 2014-03-18 18:40 (UTC) (Link)
That is a lovely photo. I am not sure my body is quite that photogenic, even pre-surgery, but the sentiment is truly lovely.
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