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4 kittens

Why are we being combative?

Posted on 2015.11.15 at 21:24
Look, four regular kids just sitting around a table, just eating like regular kids do:

Rascal was theatrically proud of himself for sitting around with the big kids at the table.

Here's what an adult draws when they are pretending to be a kid drawing a picture:

Or what Hawaii draws, when she's just being herself, an ornery professional 30-something career woman trapped inside a six year old's body.

Further evidence, a card she made for me:

I love you in my life
It's better with you in it.
Be proud I'm yours,
'Cause I'm proud you're mine.

Sure, isn't that how all six year olds talk to their mothers?

Ace paints a bat:

Pokey is down with the texture:

"Blue With Pumpkin Seeds on Yellow"

"Scented picture," covered with cinnamon and nutmeg and things that smelled cozy.

Rascal didn't draw anything, but he was super proud of himself for this:

The exersaucer had been collapsed and we were packing it up. Rascal climbed in by himself and was just so pleased with himself for being able to do so.

Jerks I have known this week:

1. My surgeon.  I had my pre-op appointment on Wednesday.  He thinks I'll regret not having reconstruction. He had a gentle manner, but lots of sighs and raised eyebrows and said things like, "If you save the skin" - by which he means a skin-sparing procedure where they hollow out the breast tissue and leave room for implants later on - "you'll only have a 2" incision. But if you want it completely flat, you'll have a 4" incision, which will take longer to heal."  Of course he is being ridiculous.  A 4" incision is not worse than another entire surgery to get implants put in under your pectoral muscles.

Unfortunately, at the time, I was feeling fragile and wanting to be coddled and wanting approval from the authority figure, and wondering, "why are we being combative?" and trying to agree with everything, so I nodded along with him that yes, my eccentric vain self was demanding this unnecessarily messy procedure, and I left there almost in tears, partly just from confusion and befuddlement and contorting myself into his version of reality.

Over the course of the drive home, 45 minutes or so, I regained my footing and found myself angry at him, which felt much better. Fuck him. I gave the middle finger to the world, below the dashboard so that other drivers wouldn't see it and think I intended it for them. It was a relief.

2. The hair stylist. He gave me a big lecture about the giant knots in Hawaii's hair, saying we were using too much shampoo and that's why the knots were so bad. (Which may be true! But he was super rude about it.) (I would have combed the knots out ahead of time, but it was a last-minute decision to get her hair cut.)

The worst was when he showed me some broken strands and said, "She'll need to wear a wig in high school, there's so much breakage." Hawaii's face was clenched and stoic. I wanted to punch him.  (I debriefed with her afterwards - no, that's not true, and also he's an asshole for lying like that to you.)

Later I had idiotic arguments with him about Pokey's hair. "I want it all 2" shorter," I told him. "It should all be the same length." I showed him the length, out to my knuckle on my index finger. I showed him on hair on top of Pokey's head, on the side, at the back - all out to the knuckle.
"All the same length? Like a girl's haircut?" the stylist asked.
"No," I said, "Not like a straight line. Like each hair - here, here, here - each the length of my finger."
"So you want to keep the length?"
"I don't know what that means. I want it all the same length."

Why is it so hard to describe haircuts? Can't we introduce some common vocabulary here? I need a poster on the wall with standardized terms.

Throughout the haircut, we kept arguing, because he kept not cutting the sides and the back. "You said you wanted to keep the length!"  (He was seriously giving Pokey a mullet.)
"I said I don't know what that means. I don't want it super short. I don't want it long, either. I want it...all the same length?"
He was a jerk. But the kids turned out very cute.

I didn't get a photo yet of their new haircuts, but  I can leave you with this:

Pokey with fabulous feathered blowout hair, sitting in the airplane chair before any haircutting occurred.

I am sleepy so I think I'll just put a bow on this entry.


mistersmearcase at 2015-11-16 06:27 (UTC) (Link)
Ha. That is so Blair from Facts of Life.
heebie_geebie at 2015-11-23 04:19 (UTC) (Link)
It's beautiful!
Kelly Jennings
Kelly Jennings at 2015-11-16 13:53 (UTC) (Link)


(1) The hair stylist sounds like a total asshat. I would not go back, and I would also consider making a complaint to whoever owns the place. FWIW, where we go, there are, in fact, pictures on the wall. Also, the (very nice) people who cut our hair have EXTRA pictures on their phones which they will show us. "Is this what you mean? Is this? Is this?" It's lovely.

(2) And that fucking surgeon. Heteronormative bullshit. Fuck him.
heebie_geebie at 2015-11-23 04:20 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Wow.

(1) I hate him! I want to go back because the kids love the airplane chair, but I may write something passive-aggressive on the sign-in sheet about "anyone but the guy over there, please".

(2) I have to have continued dealings with him, so I'm trying to stay measured.
(Anonymous) at 2015-11-16 16:44 (UTC) (Link)

Hawaii's note

My Lord! She has her own letterhead! That's wonderful.

md 20/400
heebie_geebie at 2015-11-23 04:21 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Hawaii's note

oh my god, I would love to get this printed into letterhead.
e_messily at 2015-11-19 13:58 (UTC) (Link)

jerk #2

Also, the idea that broken strands of hair as a 6-year-old would somehow mean anything at all about your hair when you're in high school is incredibly dumb. The hair is dead once it's outside your hair-holes. You can damage it as much as you want and then just cut it off and grow more. Was he stupid, or just blatantly making shit up as a scare tactic?
heebie_geebie at 2015-11-23 04:22 (UTC) (Link)

Re: jerk #2

Making shit up. He was such an asshole. Just posturing. He was upping the ante because I was arguing that my hair had been the same way as a kid and our hair is just very prone to tangles.
(Anonymous) at 2015-12-11 17:09 (UTC) (Link)

Re: jerk #2

Christ, what a hair-hole.
I love all the curls in your brood's hair. Ridiculously adorable.
(Anonymous) at 2015-12-11 17:12 (UTC) (Link)

Re: jerk #2

That was me, Eggplant.
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