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4 kittens

The Big Fat Monster

Posted on 2015.12.20 at 23:46
I got my drains out on Friday! I had been showing Jammies these giant veins that were popping out under my clavicle. Those turned out to be the tubes of the drains. I was shocked - I'd thought that there were maybe 2-3" under the skin, but the nurse kept pulling and pulling, like a magician. There was a full 12" of tube under my skin on each side. Afterwards I kept having vivid phantom memories of the sensation of all that tubing coming out. Though I felt great. I had no idea that the tubes was causing quite so much of the discomfort.

What is a Jackson-Pratt drain? The part inside your body is perforated and coiled to cover the area of the wound. It exits your body, held in place with a little black thread wrapped around the tube and then stitched into your skin. A little gross! Mine were fairly central, maybe an inch or two below where my phantom nipples would be.  On the other end of the tubing is a plastic hand grenade. You keep the bulb squeezed empty of air, which provides the suction. When it fills up about 1/3 full, you empty it and record the cc.

One annoying thing is that the bulbs cannot dangle free, because that would hurt and they could possibly be pulled out. So you must always be supporting them - either a shirt with built-in pockets, or a fanny pack, or safety pin them to your shirt. Even in the shower, you must pin them to a necklace or get a water-proof contraption to use. (Per J, Robot's advice, I bought a contraption which was basically a coozies attached by a neoprene strap, which drapes around your neck and holds the bulbs, specifically for the shower.)

Now you know!

It is a quiet slow week. E. Messily is at home in Montana. Mimi also went home to Montana (separately).


I am not supposed to lift anything over five pounds. Rascal is like 25 lbs.  I have been feeling cut-off from him and getting weepy and sentimental. I can sit on the ground with him, but I can't sling him on my hip and go about my business. Disconnected and awful.

Today I decided fuck it, it's time to carry the baby. Whatever. If something pulls loose, I'll deal with it. I feel much happier.


1. "Wipe your nose on your clothes while you strike a ninja pose!"  She chants this and sticks her arms out, more like the Bangles walking like an Egyptian than like a ninja. (The kids watched some video on Mimi's ipad with that catchphrase. Foreign types with the hookah pipes say, "Way oh, way oh, wa-aay-aay oh.")

2. I was practicing piano with Hawaii in the front of the house, when Jammies' voice floated clearly in from the back: "Hawaii will be mad if she sees you playing with that."  Hawaii stopped playing the piano and looked at me.
"But I will be HAPPY!" Ace answered Jammies, cheekily. Her delivery has perfect timing.

Hokey Pokey:

With his walkie-talkie.

1. "I figured out why he's called Captain Hook!"
"Because he's a captain, and he has a hook!"
Oh boy genius, don't ever change.

2. This morning, we woke up early to wailing. The 60 million year old flying fish fossil got knocked off the dresser and broke. Pokey was super upset.  I felt really bad, and also I felt like an idiot for letting him keep the fossil there. On Unfogged, Eggplant commented, "Paleontologists love nothing more than putting things back together, so it's all good."  Both funny and weirdly comforting.


With her walkie-talkie.

This is not finished. Be careful!

The Big Fat Monster

(We had no idea this existed. The teacher made some offhand comment about how Hawaii is allowed to work on her book when she finishes her work, but we hadn't thought twice about it.)

Chapter 1: Lilly
Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Lilly. Lilly lived with her mother, father, and two brothers. Her brother Michael was five years old, and her brother Luke was ten.

One day, Lilly took a walk in her backyard. Her brothers looked through the windows and wondered what she was doing. Lilly was thinking, but what was she thinking about? Lilly was thinking about friends that weren't family.

So one day, she went to look for one. After two days with no food or water, she stopped at a rain forrest. Luckily, there were rivers and berries.

Chapter 2: The Big Fat Monster

After she ate, she kept looking and looking and looking. Time went by, but Lilly did not find what she wanted.

Soon Lilly found a cave. It was dark inside. So Lilly decided to rest.

When she awoke, she took a look around. Finally she stopped and turned around to go back, but when she looked up, she gasped! She saw a big fat monster!

Then she blew out her gasp slowly. Because it was a cute baby monster. Lilly laughed. The monster got a little mad, but it stayed calm, so Lilly stopped.

After a month or two, the baby monster became a big monster! But Lilly was okay. He was too big to fit in the cave, so they set off to find a new home.  After another month or two, they landed in Austin, where Lilly was born. They stopped at a restaurant to eat.

Chapter 3: The Gas Station

When they were done, they kept looking until they stopped at a gas station. They looked up at the door. There was a sign that said, "Sorry, we're closed".  But...they opened the door, just because they were so tired. When they took a look inside, the lights were off and nobody was inside. They looked around the old, dusty place.

Then they found a tall door and opened it. There were so many stairs in the tiny room! So they climbed them. Clip clop, clip clop, up they went.

Finally they made it to the top. Then they took a deep breath and fell to the floor. They stood up on their knees and blew it out. Finally they managed to stand up. So they took a look around.

Then they found a sphere - but it was flat. So it was a circle. But it wasn't just a circle - it was a magic circle. The big fat monster stepped on it. Then he started shrinking until he was the size of a penny. He started to run all around the room. Then he stopped at an old mouse hole. It seemed like a cave to him because he was very small.

Then he roared to see if it could be his new home. But to Lilly, it sounded like, "raaaaaaaaa!" Then Lilly picked him up, so he roared, "raaaaaaaaaa!" but this time louder. So Lilly put him down. Then he went inside.

Lilly gasped. She almost started to cry, but she didn't. She just stared at the mouse hole. Then she cried.

Chapter 4: Fred and Ted

Meanwhile, the teeny tiny monster was exploring the mouse hole, which he thought was a cave. Then he found a tall rock and sat on it.

The rock suddenly stood up! The monster jumped off right away. It looked like a rat - a very weird rat. Then the rat bit his claw. A skinny black string came out of the marks.

The monster cried and cried and cried, until Lilly could hear him. She stopped crying and stepped on the circle. Then she started shrinking to the size of a pencil lead and ran inside.

Meanwhile, the rat and the monster were fighting over the cozy spot. The monster roared. The rat snapped its teeth. They continued fighting.

Meanwhile, Lilly found a short and fat rock. Lilly sat on it. The rock twisted and turned. Then it stood up. Lilly jumped off right away. The rock looked like a rat - a very weird rat. It tried to bite her, but she got away.

The rats lived in a circle. The one that the monster met lived on one side, and the rat Lilly met lived on the other side. When the monster and Lilly ran away, they crashed into each other. Then they fell down and hugged. Then they laughed. They hugged tightly again. They tip-toed by the first rat, then tip-toed by the second rat, then ran out the door.

They climbed up the circle and turned back to normal size. Then they went down the stairs. Clip clop, clip clop, down they went. Finally they made it to the bottom. They took a deep breath and fell to the floor. Then they stood up on their knees and blew it out.

They crawled to the door and screamed! The two weird rats were blocking the door! They quickly ran away.

The short fat rat said, "Hello." The skinny tall rat said, "Howdy doo." The two friends turned around and stared at the rats. The short fat rat said, "Hi, I am Ted and this is my pal Fred. I drink energy from the sun, and Fred drinks energy from the moon."

Chapter 5: The New Family

"We are looking for a friend that's not family."
"I was, too," said Lilly, "untl I found this girl. Now I'm looking for home. Could yo let us out? We need to rest, please."
"Sure, but can you be our friends?"
"Sure, and can we come with you and live with you?" said Fred, excitedly.
"Are you crazy! I have a huge family already."
"Please, you're our friends. Can't you be our family? We don't have one."
"Fine, fine, fiiiiiine," sai Lilly, very upsetly. Then they opened the door and started walking.

Right when they took a first step, Lilly sighed. She said, "Maybe this isn't such a good idea. But I guess it's the only way to survive."

Finally, they found a sugar [ed: maybe scissor?] Lilly thought it was her dad's. And it was! She found another and another and another. She followed them. Her friends followed too. Finally they ended at a car - Lilly's dad's car! And the car was parked right next to her favorite place! The store that has yummy candy!

She saw Michael inside. She screamed at the top of her lungs. Then ran inside the store. Everybody sat down and waited for Lilly to come out. But it took a very long time for her. Because they were hugging and kissing so much!

Chapter 7: Christmas is coming [ed: sixth chapter]

Finally the family came out with a load of treats. Lilly was skipping. She was singing, "Why did I forget Christmas is in five weeks!" over and over again. She ran towards her new friends and hugged them. She hummed the tune of Jingle Bells: hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.

Then they all got in the car. But before they did, their dad stopped them. "I have a surprise."
"What is it? What is it?" Lilly shouted.
"You'll see, you'll see!"

When Lilly opened the door, she saw her surprise. It was her grandparents! Then they all went home. Lilly's parents sat in the front row. Lilly and her grandparents sat in the second row. Then Lilly's friends sat down in the third row.

When they all got home, Lilly introduced her new friends to her family. Then they all ate dinner and went to bed. They had a good night's sleep.

The next morning, the new family went to the park to enjoy the morning sun and the birds sing. When they got home, Lilly and the boys went to school.

When Lilly got to school, she opened her backpack and she saw the two rats! "What are you doing here?" she said.
"Well, we wanted to see what school was like," said Ted.
"That's right," said Fred.
"You can't come to school with me."
"Sorry, we did not know that."
"Wait!!! Since I can't bring you home, I can use you for show and tell!"

Meanwhile, the monster got lonely.

It is a work in progress, although I think you could make the case that the book finished in the last chapter, and then the sequel is beginning.

43 pages! Hawaii, that is one crazy amount of focus and dedication ! I love it to pieces.


Kelly Jennings
Kelly Jennings at 2015-12-21 18:46 (UTC) (Link)

Heebie the novelist

I'm afraid you might have a writer on your hands.

Worse, a novelist!

You should definitely keep this. It's her first major work!

(me, delagar)
Kelly Jennings
Kelly Jennings at 2015-12-21 18:46 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Heebie the novelist

Gah. Hawaii the novelist, obvs.
heebie_geebie at 2015-12-28 05:05 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Heebie the novelist

I've thought about this! I too always thought I'd grow up to be a novelist, when I was a kid. That dream died in college, when I decided that I'm too fragile to properly steele myself for all the rejection, and also that I'm terrible at coming up with plots. Blogging has really been a happy pastime!
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