Log in

No account? Create an account
July 2018   01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31
4 kittens

Ranch sauce on burritos

Posted on 2016.04.24 at 23:20
We are at a wedding in Santa Cruz. As always, California is a ridiculous show-off.

Yes, yes, you're beautiful, dear.


We all love this phrasing, right?

Bottle brush trees.

Little alien flowers.

I walked around town for a few hours. Eventually I found myself at the Santa Cruz wharf:

Even their stone greek Π symbols are better than ours.

Boats displayed, that's novel. But where do they display their model oil rigs?

These guys were pretty cute:

There were a lot of them, arf-ing and moaning and groaning.

The water kept heaving up and down, revealing mountains of barnacles around all the post bases.  The swelling ocean, all of the wheezing and arf-arf-ing and lumbering - it was pretty hypnotic.

More wharf:

Ok, Santa Cruz, now you're getting too cute by half.

Did you...did you paint the trees to match your building? Is your dye job growing out? Are you literally showing your roots?

California! No ranch sauce on your breakfast burritos! That is NOT okay!

Now straighten up and fly right.

That's better.

For her birthday, Ace asked for what she wanted and loved what she got. She got a batman costume, a coloring purse, some dress up clothes, and of course an extraordinary castle:

It's surprisingly hard to photograph. But E's details are exquisite.  Pokey was so jealous and had to process some big emotions.

As for Hawaii, it's complicated. When Hawaii was four or five, she got her hands on a toy catalogue. She was fascinated and cut out all of the toys that she liked, and pasted them into a massive 15 page collage wishlist, and gave it to Jammies and me, before Christmas. She also made collage lists for Pokey and Ace.

Most of her desires were dolls and accessories, generic versions of American Girl dolls.  So we got her a big doll like that, and some accessories.  She never played with them. Frankly, most of the items on her list did not look like the kinds of things she chooses to play with.

As subsequent birthdays/Christmases came around, Hawaii requested more items from the list. Not specific items, but generally if we asked her what she wanted, she'd retort, "You have my list. I want the things from that list." We demurred, but did get her some more doll accessories.  But for each successive holiday over the past two years, she keeps being disappointed that we mostly ignored the list. (The physical list is packed away, archived somewhere. It is the memory of the list, and perpetually feeling ignored, that Hawaii is focused on.) This list, which was never that appealing to four year old Hawaii, and is now even more dated and not-right for seven year old Hawaii, yet it keeps resurrecting itself every holiday.

So finally, Jammies told Mimi to get a bunch of items off the list for Hawaii's 7th birthday this year. The big two-foot tall present that Hawaii saved for last ended up being...a suitcase, which could hold the doll and her accessories. Hawaii's reaction was outwardly calm, but complicated. She wasn't upset and she smiled. But you can tell that she is processing all this, and wondering why it doesn't feel very good to recieve these items that you've had on your list, for two years.

I feel a bit sad and protective of her, as she tries to work it out.  She is often terribly un-attuned to herself, unable to check internally and know what will make her happy.  But incredibly attuned to other people, and their expectations and motivations. Often she is driven by wanting to dominate other people's attention, even at the expense of her own contentedness.

(I definitely understand that feeling. I think I've mostly outgrown it, finally.)

I've been feeling a bit demoralized, post-mastectomy. I thought that I could wear prosthetic boobs and go about my regular life with minimal disruption.  In actuality, they make my scars ache. By the end of the day, the parts furthest to my right and left sides are swollen and aching.

The standard answer is that this is due to the heaviness of the prosthetics, and to try lighter foam prosthetics. So I signed up for some knitted knockers.

Somewhere out there, a really nice person is hand-knitting two breasts, just for me. I really hope they don't make the nipple too protruding.

But I suspect the knitted knockers won't help. That the weight isn't the problem - I'm currently wearing an A cup; they're not very heavy. And the weight is more central, and so doesn't press on my problem spots, which are further out to the sides. I think the problem is the tightness of a bra and...I'm not sure.

Anyway, this helps:

wearing an extra shirt under the fake boobs.  I wonder if it would look strange to anyone else, in person - "Wait a minute. Is that woman's breasts...photoshopped? I swear it looks like her shirt is under them."  Of course, I just wear another shirt covering it all.  Which is too many layers for summer.

It's all adding up to much more thought and maintenance than I wanted to spend on the matter, though.  I end up choosing baggy clothes and skipping the breasts when possible.

I miss this guy and I'm not going to even get to see him until Monday evening.


(Anonymous) at 2016-04-26 00:51 (UTC) (Link)
Are mastectomy camisoles any more comfortable? Or "proper" mastectomy bras? Sorry to hear the foobs have been so annoying.

J, Robot
heebie_geebie at 2016-05-02 03:26 (UTC) (Link)
I'll let you know how various things work! I think a camisole might also be good, or a longer bralette. I've ordered some but they haven't arrived yet. But thank you.
(Anonymous) at 2016-04-29 18:23 (UTC) (Link)
I'd be happy to knit you some breasts if you do decide you need/want them. (I could probably even manage a colorwork cat somewhere.) Would it be possible to put them in a bra top with velcro or something instead of in a full bra? I have no idea how any of this works, just that there must be a better way to brainstorm something, right? Maybe?

- Thorn
heebie_geebie at 2016-05-02 03:25 (UTC) (Link)
I should have hit you up! Just because it'd be a warm/kind feeling to know they were knitted by a friend. They did in fact arrive already - I'll try 'em out tomorrow - but they look well-made. If I can think of some ideal improved version, maybe I'll come knocking. Knocking for knockers.
Previous Entry  Next Entry