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4 kittens

January is almost over.

Posted on 2017.01.29 at 23:05
My secret LJ friend robertainnc passed away, unexpectedly, complications from pneumonia, this week. Primarily, she's Apostropher's wife, but he connected us here when I was pregnant with Hawaii. I am so sad. Her blog was "The Last Rambler" and she was a bigtime classic bloggy rambler, with long portraits of her relationships with friends and kids and loved ones. She was just there, I was just reading her on Monday. Her job was pretty shitty at the moment - her boss sucks - but she just had a job interview. Rascal at age 2 reminds her so much of Noah at age 2: so much shouting. She was so ALIVE and vibrant and nurtured these gigantic loving relationships with the people in her life. Her last entry was called "My emotional yo-yo ball of a day" - she was completely mid-life, in the sense of being abruptly interrupted and brutally torn out of her place in the fabric.

It's funny, I've been very upset this week over Roberta - Tuesday was a mess. I kept showing up places with puffy, red eyes, struggling to mentally compartmentalize so I could teach class or meet with students. But I never actually met her. I don't know what her voice sounded like, or how tall she was, or how she carried herself.  Secret blogs are a weird intimacy. From Unfogged, I know how Apostropher banters, how he talks, what he's like in a group of people. I have no idea how Roberta does any of that stuff. But from Roberta, I know the rhythm of her household and daily life, how much she loved being unemployed for a few months and how she spent her time, how ailing her father is, and the depth of her bonds with her family, extended family, her friends, kids, and Apo.  How she decorated their new, amazing house and sat with Noah in kindergarten at the lunch table when he was in extended punishment hell. I didn't even know her nickname was "Bert", but what a cute affectionate thing to call her. It's not actually my tragedy, but I can't wrap my head around the enormity of severing all those bonds. The idea of Apo trying to navigate this loss with his kids is enough to make your heart split open.

Also: maybe her blog should be archived? Eventually LiveJournal blogs go dark if not updated. Her journal is mostly friends-locked, and so I wonder if I should figure out a way that I can archive it as a friend, or something. I don't know. But maybe the kids would be glad to have it in ten years.


Jammies is out of town, my parents are in town. I have lots of beautiful photos from the weekend.

The country is probably in the midst of an honest-to-god constitutional crisis, and maybe a solid majority of citizens aren't aware of this. It's getting harder and harder to imagine merely weathering four years of a Trump administration, and more and more likely that this will gather momentum and explode in a war, or impeachment, or fascism will be established without a war.


In the local sense, it's been a really lovely weekend. This crumbling democracy has intensified my love for people in my life, and it was easier than usual to cherish my parents instead of nitpick their inadequacies.

I think all I've got the energy for is a photo dump. So here you go:

One day, at daycare, the secretary told us, "We found a bunch of stickers from last year. Here's some of your kids."  Hawaii quickly took ownership of the stickers, and affixed some of them to her school assigned ID tag on her backpack.

So Hawaii has those three goofballs with her all day long.

There are eleven deer in that front yard. I know everyone thinks they've got a lot of deer, but seriously, that is a lot of deer in one yard. That is near the kids' piano teacher's house.

Pokey's teacher sent us a bunch of photos of the kids in his class learning about a classroom-sized Texas.

Safety first.

January is almost over. Does your seven-year-old know their daily activitie two months out?

Elaborate school.  I gave her a hard time for erasing a complicated list in the upper right corner of the board, right as Grandma Collie and I tried to take a photo of it. She rolled her eyes and got pissy about it. But the next day she recreated all the details and sullenly let me know that it had been re-created, and I felt bad for coming down so hard on her.

Rascal creates messes in under five seconds.

I recorded some video from this scene. Ace is telling Papa Ken all about the princesses' swimming lesson. Papa Ken asks her, "Is that one twazy?" and Ace says, "Oh YEAH. This one is TWAAZY."  It's very, very cute.

Papa Ken and Ace were pretty tightly knit this visit. He loves that Ace says Dampa Ten and Damma Tollie.

Damma Tollie helping Pokey sew a tooth pillow, to put your tooth in for the tooth fairy.

Damma Tollie baking cookies with all the kids. I like Rascal's little cameo in the lower right corner.

We went to the park.

These guys seemed like babies. They were so fuzzy and willing to let our kids get close.



The tooth pillow was finished, and just in the nick of time.

New gaping hole!

Damma Tollie and Dampa Ten leave tomorrow. Jammies gets home late tomorrow night from Los Alamos. I miss him. 


The Modesto Kid
themodestokid at 2017-01-30 11:52 (UTC) (Link)
heebie_geebie at 2017-02-05 22:29 (UTC) (Link)
thank you, tmk.
Kelly Jennings
Kelly Jennings at 2017-01-30 15:10 (UTC) (Link)

Oh no

I only know Apo through Unfogged, but how awful. I'm so sorry.

heebie_geebie at 2017-02-06 02:46 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Oh no

Thank you. I can't fathom what they're going through; it's so awful.

I also felt like I'm an idiot for not commenting more on other people's blogs - like, I should have commented more often on Roberta's - and I should comment more often on yours. Lurking feels like there's no record of you having been there. This is just an idle thought I had.
Susan Dennis
susandennis at 2017-01-30 15:32 (UTC) (Link)
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I've had several LJ friends die over the years but two were very special to me. And, like you, I never heard their voices and only even had a vague (from photos) idea of what they look like but had spent years reading about their every day lives and enjoying their comments on mine. I really do miss them still. It's very hard, I know.
heebie_geebie at 2017-02-06 02:48 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you. It is such a meaningful little secret world where people bare their souls, despite (or because of) never meeting in person.
lolliejean at 2017-01-30 16:48 (UTC) (Link)
I'm so very sad that to find out that Roberta has died. I always enjoyed reading about her life and hearing from her during the years when I was an active lj participant. :-(
lolliejean at 2017-01-31 23:49 (UTC) (Link)
heebie_geebie at 2017-02-06 02:49 (UTC) (Link)
I kicked in some money. But yeah, she was such a light. So vibrant. I know jut how you feel.

I also hope all's well with you!
"my work is loving the world"
sun_set_bravely at 2017-02-01 02:43 (UTC) (Link)

Oh my god. I'm so heartbroken to hear that Roberta has died. This doesn't make any sense. Holy shit.

heebie_geebie at 2017-02-06 02:50 (UTC) (Link)
I know just how you feel. It's so awful. I am so sorry.
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