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4 kittens

Outdoors

Posted on 2017.06.12 at 20:42
Tour of nature!



Dead tarantula. Toes included for scale. This was outside the kids' elementary school.



This snake. Oh, you don't see anything? Let me zoom in for you.



I know, just a tail.  That fucker was ambling across the walking trail across the river, so close that when Pokey exclaimed, "Mom! Stop!" I thought he was pointing out that I was about to step in dog crap.

He was six feet long and thick.  He was not moving very fast, but it took a while for me to get my bearings enough to get my camera out. I'm so glad I got that photo of his tail, or no one would ever believe that he'd been more than a puny little 4" snake.

Best guess is that he was a Diamond-backed Water Snake:



which are not venomous, but people kill them because they think they're water moccasins. Apparently these guys are little assholes, though, and will attack you with their regular, non-venomous teeth and give you a puncture wound. And maybe it would get infected - I know cat bites often get infected because they are puncture wounds, which push the bacteria way down deep. People often put antibacterial ointments on puncture wounds, which is counterproductive because it traps the bacteria deep in your puncture.

(Alex the Attack Cat once was trying to attack a stranger who came on my porch. Alex was inside. The stranger left a leaflet. When I brought the leaflet inside, ten minutes later, Alex attacked the leaflet and bit my hand in the process, and it got infected.)

None of us were scared by this tiny snake:



because we're not wussies. And because it was dead.

(I know everyone thinks their cat is crazy. My crazy cat was so crazy that the Special Behavioral Vet at Texas A&M had me record footage of Alex, to show at vet conferences. And then, years later, my Heebieville vet had seen the footage of Alex at a conference! VERIFIED.)



There might be three Cooper's hawks in that tree.  There are certainly three hawks; the Cooper's part is undetermined.



They could be Red-shouldered Hawks, I'm told.



Jammies showing off his bug beard.

Not pictured: the time that I found a giant red hornet in the cabin and bravely set him free without getting stung.

This wild aquatic creature:



This aquatic sea creature has been using the potty! He peed several times and pooped at daycare, before we found out. Good thing this is our fourth kid and not our first, or we'd be heartbroken to have missed the first time, and the second and third times.

This big lizard:



He's kind of hard to see.

This young colt-like thing:



is off at YMCA sleepaway camp for the week!  The camp is straight out of Parent Trap. All the bunks have Native American names and there was a totem pole out front. I apologize on behalf of my white forefathers.



Half the counselours are from England.  It's kind of funny to be the destination for young Brits wishing to see (exotic?) outreaches of the world. "Mum! Dod! I've been stationed about an hour west of San Antonio, in the middle of fucking nowhere! Do you think it will be terribly hot?"

For the sake of documenting life: last week the big kids were at soccer camp in the morning. Neither of them liked it very much. I honestly did not like soccer camp very much, either, when I was a kid. It's just too hot and too tiring and boring. On Friday we took them to Schlitterbahn.

Good Hawaii Quotes from Last Week:
1. "Is a nudist colony like being Native American, or can anyone join?" asked Hawaii.

2. I showed Hawaii and Pokey the salad spinner in the cabin - how you take the lid off, the basket inside a basket. How the handle turns a gear which spins the basket.  Without telling them the name, I asked them if they could figure out what it was for.

They stared and thought and made silly guesses. Finally Hawaii said, "I KNOW! Is it like the thing at the pool that we used to dry our bathing suits? It's for drying things!"

I was so impressed! I told her she was exactly right, and explained about wet salad and so on. Also, we have not been at that particular pool for over two years.

3. Hawaii told Pokey a long, epic story about a girl named Fuckilaura, and the adventures of having the F-bomb as part of your first name. They giggled hysterically throughout the whole thing. I only caught bits and pieces, including the scene at the hospital when someone tripped and fell and mis-spoke their newborn daughter's name at the crucial moment, and how she got in trouble growing up, and various other hijinks.

These three left-behind yokels:



Later this week, Pokey will also be going to YMCA camp, for a three-day, two-night mini-session, starting on Thursday.

A conversation with Pokey:
"Why did Alexander Hamilton say he was going to meet his son?" asked Pokey.
"Because he was at war when the baby was born," I explained.
"I thought it took both a mom and a dad to make a baby?" he said.
"It does, but at the beginning, when the mom gets pregnant. Not to get the baby out, when the baby is born," I said.

File under things you thought were obvious. In hindsight, the book we use, It's Not the Stork, does use blankets to cover up the heart of the baby-making sex action, and later the baby-born L&D action shot.

Still, I'm amused by the idea that the daddy's penis could be needed to get the baby out, during the L&D process. Like a shoehorn, maybe?



A conversation with Ace:
"I thought this part would be scary, but it wasn't!" said Ace, about Moana.
"Haven't you seen this movie forty times?" I asked.
"Yes!" she said.
Sure!

Last Tuesday, we made our yearly mistake of thinking that Movies In the Park sounded like fun. We walked over around 6, stopping for a picnic dinner. We set out our blanket around 7:30. The kids were hot and tired and whiny.  Hang on guys, you'll have fun as soon as Moana starts!

Hang on!

Hang on!

Moana eventually started, at 8:45 pm. Pokey might have been asleep within ten minutes. Hawaii would not have lasted much longer. (The two little ones were wakeful and perky, for the record.) We packed it in around 9 pm and walked home.

Later that night, when I was cozy in bed, I observed that Moana was still running, down the block. There was still another hour of Moana to go, in fact.  I was very glad not to be there.

Rascal and Ace are driving us crazy at bedtime. Hawaii and Pokey immediately fall asleep. That is the natural, god-given state and all children should be obedient.  But instead, Rascal and Ace get more and more amped up and silly and bonkers.  (Pokey and Hawaii generally sleep through the whole thing.)

It's madness! Our kids are supposed to be good sleepers!

Comments:


Kelly Jennings
Kelly Jennings at 2017-06-12 22:26 (UTC) (Link)

I'm still laughing


OMG, the Fuckilaura story. Hawaii is the best.

We had birds flying down our chimney and getting trapped in the fireplace for nearly a month before the landlord finally sent someone to replace the chimney cap. Many, many brave adventures related to extracting and freeing the birds resulted.
heebie-geebie
heebie_geebie at 2017-06-19 04:22 (UTC) (Link)

Re: I'm still laughing

Terrified animals are terrifying! I vaguely remember an opossum or raccoon getting into our house, when I was growing up, through the chimney maybe. I was shuffled away and not really able to witness any of the excitement.
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